All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
