Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize