You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't turn off my feet"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
