My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
