I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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