I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
