note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
