Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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