I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
