If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize