just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
