i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
