$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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