how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
