I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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