I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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