My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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