Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
