Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
