No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
