When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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