He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
