I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
