dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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