Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
