Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
