About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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