Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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