just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize