The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
