We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
