Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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