I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
