your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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