I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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