My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
