I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Your penis caused this!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
