Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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