absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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