i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
