I like my sex mixed with concussions.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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