There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize