Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
