You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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