Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
A+ Viking dick
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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