I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
