Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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