Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
