matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
