No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
