ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
