My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
