Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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