remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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