I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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