Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
