Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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