I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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