it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize