He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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