No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
