i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
