It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
