i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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