yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
