Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
