Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize