I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
