It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
