Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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