Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
