well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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