I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize