You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
