How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize