Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
