there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
