you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
