Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
