Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
