U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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