He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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