I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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