i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
